Apple Seeks (Poetic) Justice

Apfelstrudel

Hail, Steve, the rich

That always did great job

Keeping his apples a niche

No sparrow would lay down its gob

 

But things always get rotten

So did the apples of his

And when Steve has gotten

An apple expecting a bliss

 

As he was biting and smelling

And the mastication progressed

Each byte was harder of telling

If the apple was good or just bad

 

Not tasting apples so long

It just felt weird at his tongue

No matter how bad or good

It could be caviar or wood

 

And as the fruits he stocked

Back from seventy-six

All the apples just rotted

As a result of their mix

 

Then as he ran to the bathroom

Feeling the urge to poo

The apples apart at the room

Resembled a lot like THAT goo

 

It was a moment so great

He thought of Christmas' Eve

And looking back at that date

I gave an advice to Steve:

 

There's no lock that grants

Keeping a private OS

And when you start {censored}tin' your pants

find a way to clean up that

 

Rotten Poets Society - All rights reserved

Wow way to get it back on track, your poet and you know it!

Sorry if I killed the mood of the forum. That moron really got to me...

I liked the poem moid. Very funny and helping to lift my mood

The rise and fall of the great BSD

 

There was a university called Berkeley

Who had an os that ran bezerkly

It went public domain

and ran free of complain

Until Apple sewed it up like a turkey!

so the lymeric is the weapon of choice here huh?

 

lets face it osx is great

much better than anything from gates

but i need autocad

and it makes me real mad

that for now us engineers have to wait

 

yes i know there are cad programs for mac but my job requires use of autodesk software

Posts with no artistic merit,

From this thread Ill gladly edit,

Glory to the poets all,

And oblivion to those who troll.

"I will not try to hack

I will not hack a Mac

 

Mac O-S-X can run

On Macs it is real fun

 

But I would like to play

More games today, I say!'

 

'Can you hack a Mac?"

Said Fred, with his big sack

 

"I will not, can not, should not hack,

I will not hack a Mac."

 

"But what of 0-S-X?

It feels so good, like sex.

 

Don't PC people try

To feel good like a pie?"

 

(ok I'll stop!!!!)

This is easily our best thread ever. Great job guys. Perhaps Apple should be hiring us!

Try to imagine James Earl Jones reciting this ...

 

 

ODE TO AN OPERATING SYSTEM

 

It came in mid-August, the clarion call;

deadmoo, the first, was there to install.

 

I downloaded Tiger, the image, called "flat";

And soon enough, in VMware it sat.

 

I loosed the virtual machine, didn't expect it to get far;

A gray apple ... a blue desktop ... then in slid a dock and menu bar.

 

Away, damn AppleTPMACPI.kext, you're slowing me to a crawl!

Come hither, Maxxuss patch, and bring me into OSx86's thrall ...

 

Brushed metal goodness, but strangely, I'm not overjoyed;

Only a native install can fill the void.

 

A spare 20-gigger was formatted, AF-prepared;

The dd method ... 15 minutes ... and well it had fared.

 

Lilo was stitched with the OSx86 addition,

And this Tiger of an Intel stripe booted, without inhibition.

 

iTunes, Deer Park, even Dreamweaver8 sprang to life;

Despite forums full of woe, I was spared such strife.

 

Am I a pirate, a pioneer or a pawn? Whatever's your preference;

But I took the road less traveled, and that has made all the difference.

It strange to see such reactions to a 23 year old Apple tradtion. I think that the "don't steal" message was put into a light hearted poem shows that at least someone at apple has a good sence of humor.

 

Let us not forget that Steve and Steve made some money in collage selling devices to steal long distance phone calls.

 

Karma... hmm

dreness your poem didnt rhyme

 

It's called a haiku

Poems that don't have to rhyme

So stop hating, dude

 

dreness when are you going to realize your just a unit to apple

 

Unit to Apple?

I can't speak for dreness but

Don't be quick to judge

 

If you own Windows

Should I call you a unit

To Gates? That's not right

 

I own a Mac too

But I also own PCs

The worst of both worlds!

I can't take credit for this one but it is fantastic:

 

To the meter of "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe

 

Abort, Retry, Ignore?

 

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,

System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,

Longing for the warmth of bed sheets,

Still I sat there doing spreadsheets.

Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer,

I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store,

Only this and nothing more.

 

Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing,

Doubting, while the disk kept churning,

Turning yet to churn some more.

But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token.

"Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!"

One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more,

Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

 

Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion?

These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before.

Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises.

The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more.

Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more,

From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

 

With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending,

Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,

Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key.

But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before.

Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore,

Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

 

I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard.

I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore.

Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations,

Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before.

Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before.

Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

 

There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted.

Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.

And then I saw a dreadful sight:

A lightning bolt cut through the night.

A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core.

The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore.

Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

 

To this day I do not know the place to which lost data go.

What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored,

Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes?

But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more,

You will be one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore,

Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

nice post ouch!p0tat0. on a different the lymerics in the apple code bring new meaning to "code poet"

Hot Afternoon Sun

 

Frozen Windows x86

 

Now Slowly Melting

 

-Basho

Once upon a time

I got an OS X crack

And then I left WIndows

And Never turned back

 

Alas, nothing's changed on

my re-tooled PC

Some simple web browsing

is enough to please me

 

You might ask why I go through

an OS Install

When my activites haven't

really changed at all

 

Indeed, why did I make

that huge change so sudden?

Just to hold shift

and press the minimize button.

 

And It's totally true-

I won't decieve you.

Come on Apple - I'd buy a copy like a shot!

 

apple was and will always be

a kickass HARDWARE com-pa-ny

I Stole your apple, farmer Jobs,

whats eatens eaten, done is done-

Your orchards crowd the vista,

and I only wanted one!

 

I didnt get the wrapping, I took it from the tree,

I didnt get the fancy words you ship with usually,

 

It tasted quite delicious,

but the time has come to say it:

How much for that juicy apple?

Name your price and I will pay it.

 

- from an anonymous email.

...

Name your price and I will pay it.

 

- from an anonymous email.

 

That's pretty good! I won't be stealing any apples, though - too great a price to pay! I remember all the trouble caused by the very first woman to steal one!

we love your operating system

but our points it seems you have missed 'em

we simply cannot afford

to buy your motherboard

so we'll patch up your code

to run in unprotected mode

and soon the bugs we'll have

caught them and kissed them !

ok.. 'nother one. (Btw these poems do not reflect my opionions in any way, I'm just writing nonsense for the sake of your amusement)

 

There once was a man named Steve

with an ego too big to conceive

"Let's be pirates!" he said.

But put a price on the head

Of those that chose to believe.

oh my god.. Inspiration finally came to me. My best attempt yet. Excuse the over-use of commas, it's to help you maintain the correct rhythm. I call this poem: "Is This Karma ?". Again, it does not reflect my views. It is purely humour. (I hope everyone can easily identify the Karma-related TV show which inspired this work)

 

"Is This Karma ?"

 

I've made up a list of the bad things I've done

I'm trying to make up for them one by one

There's blueboxing and phreaking

And that Xerox thing too

I'm so glad noone caught me

I'd know not what to do !

 

But I'm making amends for them all right now

I'll stop taking the milk. I will buy the damned cow !

Now I make money legally, and in packets too

By hiring some lawyers, that know how to sue

But if you think, that my world view has changed

Don't you dare try and cross me, unless you're deranged !

 

I will bully children, who torrent my wares

I will not be ripped off, in business affairs !

Don't hack at my code, or I will do you in

Touching my TPM, it's a cardinal sin !

Karma will get you, you'd better believe

Hello, how are you ? ... My name is Steve.

Twas the night before macworld, and at 1 infinite loop

not a creature was stirring; for they all were pooped.

The show macs were all set up, on the stage with care

cuz if they weren't, someone would no longer be working there

Programmers finally crashing, from their strict diets of Jolt

for if Steve saw you slacking, he'd throw lightning bolts

Mr. Jobs with his blue jeans, and turtleneck black

no longer a role model, for he was fighting the hack

Mac on Intel he said, Did my ears hear right?

Will I be running Mac OS, on my PC forth night?

No resounded Jobs, with a big clammering boom,

You must buy apple hardware, you silly buffoon.

I felt my wallet whimper, and I too relinquished a sigh,

x86 hardware fits the budget, but wtf is EFI?

TPM protection, you damn dirty ape...

from this MS world, please help me escape.

And the clouds came near, growing grey and darker,

when a ray of light beamed through, codenamed Marklar?

(poetic license, u rhyme something with Marklar!)

 

And the storm soon subsided, and now it was clear,

for the broke OSX addicts, a hero appeared.

And he disected the security, like HS anatomy class

and the OSX86 community proclaimed Steve kiss my @$$!

Now Dashboard now frontrow now Expose and iTunes,

would all run natively on my PC soon.

This angered Mr. Jobs, to no extent

For he wanted our money, all to be spent.

In his stubborn ways, more security would come

so much for OSX, on the $100 laptop ya bum.

But what hurts the most is your blindness Steve,

nearsighted or not, you must set OSX free.

Free from your hardware, Apple's interface is key

Remember, the richest man in the world doesn't sell PCs.

But Steve will be Steve, and we all must try

to keep up with Maxxuss, one hell of a guy.

And as Apple conquers, all the OSX86 sites that fell,

new sites arise to send your security to hell.

 

Although Maxxuss' old site was trampled by an Apple lawyer stampede,

Whats this? a new host? business as usual; ne1 got the 10.4.5 DVD?

 

And last but not least, we salute Maxxuss and his capable mind,

let us all hope that his struggle, ends with a job offer and not jailtime.

 

;-D

 

Look here,

XXXX.theblog.cc

 

as I don't know if the name alone is forbidden, you have to replace XXXX. I'll post news and links to the web site mirrors.

 

Edit: Im putting this in the poetry thread..

Beware of that fruit - Broken Apple Heart

 

(What do you think, why Macs no longer Smile?)

 

Chorus:

I was an Apple User and loyal to the core,

But one grey day I realized what made my heartache soar,

They want to make the big bucks now and want no one to see,

That ever more surveillance takes the Users rights as fee.

 

-

 

I was a little Bugger, when I saw the first of Mac,

Discovered there then Shufflepuck and all the time came back,

It belonged to parents friends then, but my will it showed its grip,

And when they tried to take “My Mac”, their efforts meant a zip.

 

-Ref-

 

My third Mac, it was bigger, not so cute, but lovely, too,

And to my greatest pleasure, I owned the smiling goo,

I was a big fanatic, Apple was it all the time,

And when I got to talking, all my friends could do was wine.

 

-Ref-

 

Then came the time of MacOSX, it was the thing for me,

The beta was the slowest beast, but with it I felt free,

I worked and it grew faster and I never bid the time,

And every single Update pushed the speed another line.

 

-Ref-

 

But then they made the panther and it hated my old Mac,

And though I bought a new one, my belief did not come back,

Then came OSX on intel, my belief lost every race,

Apple takes “trusted computing”, hits me squarely in the face.

 

-Ref-

 

Now my Mac here owns a Linux and Apple makes no gain,

Since for my precious income I want freedom and no chain,

So I switch on to a Linux, MacOSX I use the least,

with those lovely little penguins I take midsummers feast.

 

-Ref-

 

Some days Im feeling sad and my parting brings me pain,

But without freedom for their Users, all their genius is in vain,

When I’d come back to Apple, I will tell them with delight,

To get me back they must adhere to freedom and my rights,

-

They must adhere to freedom and to every Users right.

- Arne Babenhauserheide ( http://draketo.de ) - translated somewhen before 2005-12-24

- License: creative commons, attribution-sharealike-noncommercial:

- http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/de/

 

 

german version

Der Apfel Schimmelt, Broken Apple Heart.

 

--

 

Ref:

Ich war ein Apfel-User und loyal bis in den Kern,

Doch eines Tages merkt ich, und das sah ich gar nicht gern,

Sie wollen nun an's große Geld und woll'n, dass niemand merkt,

Das verstärkte Überwachung nie die Userrechte stärkt.

 

-

 

Ich saß als kleines Winzling schon vor meinem ersten Mac,

Entdeckte da dann Shufflepuck und wollte nicht mehr weg,

Er gehörte noch Bekannten, doch mein Wille zeigte Zahn,

Und sie rauften sich die Haare, denn sie kamen nicht mehr ran.

 

-Ref-

 

Mein dritter Mac war größer, nicht so süß, doch eine Zier,

Und zu meiner Freude, gehörte er ganz mir,

Ich war da schon fanatisch, Apple sollt' es immer sein,

Und jedem, der sich auffand, drückte ich das einfach rein.

 

-Ref-

 

Es folgte dann die X-Zeit, und ich war gleich mir dabei,

MacOSX war brockenlangsam, doch ich fühlt mich damit frei,

Ich schaffte, es wurd' schneller, und ich gab noch keine Ruh'

Und mit jedem neuen Update legte es noch etwas zu.

 

-Ref-

 

Dann plötzlich kam der Panther, und er hasste meinen Mac,

Ich kaufte einen Neuen, doch der Glaube fiel mir weg,

Jetzt kommt OSX auf Intel, und der Rest vom Glauben bricht,

Apple nimmt "trusted computing", schlägt mir mitten in's Gesicht.

 

-Ref-

 

Jetzt läuft bei mir ein Pinguin, und Apple kriegt nichts mehr,

Denn für mein teures Geld, will ich Freiheit, bitte sehr,

Ich switche hoch zu Linux, MacOSX ist meistens aus,

Und bei den Pinguinen halte ich den Freudenschmaus.

 

-Ref-

 

Manche Tage bin ich traurig, und der Abschied fällt mir schwer,

MacOSX, das ist ein Kunstwerk, doch die Freiheit zählt mir mehr,

Wann ich denn wieder käme sag ich jedem immer gern,

Um mich wieder zu gewinnen müssen sie die Freiheit ehr'n.

 

-Ref-

 

- Arne Babenhauserheide ( http://draketo.de ) - 2005-08-30

- License: creative commons, attribution-sharealike-noncommercial:

- http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/de/

There was a poet from cupertino,

Another from parts unknown,

First one, then the other,

Then silence fell, for a long time nothing was heard.

 

Then two all at once,

The cry went out,

The forums lit up, and went down

The race was on, neck and neck they came in

And the poem lived once more.

 

They seek it here,

They seek it there,

Though the key is in front of their face.

Through a hex recreated,

The puzzle complete.

 

The beast is arisen, rejoice.

Holly lord, this is the most bizarre thread I've ever seen.