FreakyMac Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 The QUEEN IS TAKING OVER Got the Message from: http://www.ojar.com/view_10711.htm "To the citizens of the United States of America: In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you have noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise." You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. 2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize." 3. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above). 4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day." 5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 6. All American cars are hereby banned. They are {censored} and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 7. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") - roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it. 8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise or ketchup but with vinegar. 9. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers. 10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. Re:Message From John Cleese Phyxius: 11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. 12. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer." Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. 13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your co-operation. LOL, (I live in Kansas Lol, But i am in Europe Right now) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandro17 Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 That is satire at its very best. Great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linuxfan66 Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 "world series" baseball anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid Marvin Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Am I the only one secretly wishing this was true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
U.C. Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 ^^ Nope I am totally with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandro17 Posted July 2, 2007 Share Posted July 2, 2007 Am I the only one secretly wishing this was true I am also with you. Most definitely the British culture is best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreakyMac Posted July 2, 2007 Author Share Posted July 2, 2007 Im WITH YA By the Way, German cars are WAAAAAYYYY better <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bxsci(macuser) Posted July 2, 2007 Share Posted July 2, 2007 shudder.... i am not all that fond of the british - that someone would write this is rather annoying.... and german cars generally annoy me - and for all those that dont know GM is a NAZI company - so i buy Ford and tony blair isnt prime anymore... who are they kidding and yah like the british could really take control now - pft - if the US or rather the colonies beat the UK back when it was an empire and had india, hong kong, Singapore, and more.... what makes them think they had a chance now.. with the US being a Superpower and the UK not having all that much of an empire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreakyMac Posted July 3, 2007 Author Share Posted July 3, 2007 Why are we talking about Nazi's? And who Cares if GM is a Nazi Company? With my 23 Day Experience in Europe and Counting, i think German Cars are better, Thats my opinion if u don't Like them, Thats ur Opinion. I haven't seen a Ford, or any American Car so far.... the U.S does more Imports than Exports...if will be Years before the U.S National Debt is Payed up. I rather live in France than Live in America Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandro17 Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 I rather live in France than Live in America I'll put it like this: I rather live in Europe than live in the US (South America might be nice, though). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hagar Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 shudder.... i am not all that fond of the british - that someone would write this is rather annoying.... and german cars generally annoy me - and for all those that dont know GM is a NAZI company - so i buy Ford and tony blair isnt prime anymore... who are they kidding and yah like the british could really take control now - pft - if the US or rather the colonies beat the UK back when it was an empire and had india, hong kong, Singapore, and more.... what makes them think they had a chance now.. with the US being a Superpower and the UK not having all that much of an empire May I recommend a sense of humour? Note that we are posting in the LAUGHS section fwiw this is an old joke that still brings a smile to many faces. The riposte would be that young whippersnapper ex-colony USA isn't doing very well with its empire, whereas Britain is at least on friendly terms with most of its former colonies. As for bringing GM vs Ford with some Nazi connotation into the picture.. well.. now there is an empire to emuilate - not In any case, to all you Americans soon to be back in the fold of the British empire - a happy 4th of july Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreakyMac Posted July 4, 2007 Author Share Posted July 4, 2007 I know the British are going to Take over soon and I'll be there to see it. But anyway, Theres no Fireworks here, Damn but oh well, France was NOT found on July 4th. eheheh but on doughnut. I still use the 'u' in doughnut. Btw is 6:19 PM here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bwhsh8r Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 LOL john cleese. (MONTY PYTHON! <3) tis funny & bxsci(macuser), what are you talkign about.... (gm and {censored}, i know we kicked their ass back when those bastards were double taxing us without representation and making us buy their tea....) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreakyMac Posted July 6, 2007 Author Share Posted July 6, 2007 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreakyMac Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 Even though i posted this 6 monthes ago it still makes me laugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steadybootleggin Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 hey i'm from NYC and i got a japanese car .UK can take the rest of the US other than NY. you gotta wonder though......NFL vs. rugby? you are aware that that the average american football player is like 325 lbs... you kinda need protective gear when you are playing tackle with big monsters , i'm 245 and i'll be killed..... i'll agree to this.... WE NEED MORE EUROPEAN BEER AND WOMEN!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rob356 Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 One thing I really agree with is the changeover to the metric system. The Metric system is SO much easier to use than the english system, and the rest of the world uses it to, so why do we use the english system? Because we want to be "different." oh well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mattwood Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 i's be for it Ruby is far more brutal than 'wimp ass american football' hell punching each other is standard practice, and the body contact with no padding is brutal.. broken noses and split lips and eyes are common Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreakyMac Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 rob356: I agree with you, I've changed over to Metric but its so damn hard when you have English units all over the friggen place. Yes, Rugby is more Brutal than American football, Rugby makes NFL look like a bunch of pansys prancing around in dresses. Take that NFL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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