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maddox bestpageintheuniverse


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just in case that you don't know him yet, this guy is painless, hillarious, yes - funny...




Some quotes from his site:


Blogging: If minds had anuses, blogging would be what your mind would do when it had to take a dump.


iPodder: A pompous ass who thinks he's eclectic. Wake up {censored}: you're not living in an iPod commercial. You can't dance. Everything you listen to sucks. Get a job.


Man, I love Ben Stiller. I can't get enough of him. Someone needs to invent a way to liquify him so he can be injected directly into my veins in super-saturated form, because his monopoly on comedy isn't enough.


Just when you thought MTV couldn't get more annoying, they give Cameron Diaz her own show called "Trippin':"


Note that the name of the show is "Trippin'" and not "Tripping" because the addition of the letter "g" would not be consistent with the views of MTV's urban youth demographic who tend to frown upon linguistic formalities such as proper enunciation. I mean, proper 'nunciation, yo!


Each episode starts out with me imagining how awesome it would be to punch Cameron Diaz in the face. Nothing too showy, just a quick crack to the jaw to make a believer out of her. I suspect she has a glass jaw like most of the children I fight. Man, just thinking about landing a left hook is giving me a boner. Back to the show though. The theme song states "YOU GOT THE POWER TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE... YOU GOT THE POWER TO MAKE A CHANGE." Wow, thank you MTV, for making me feel empowered and independent, like only a multinational media conglomerate can. Then just when you think you're going to have high blood pressure (permanently), Diaz chimes in with her first person narrative to seal the deal:


I wanted to show everyone how beautiful this planet is and how we're all connected to it... I wanted to travel with my friends to places that are in danger of being ruined...


I hate Cameron Diaz. I remember hearing about how she broke her nose while surfing two years ago. That was the happiest day of my life.


I don't know her, yet I know enough miscellaneous {censored} about her to fill a book. For example, why do I know that Cameron Diaz is dating Justin Timberlake? I don't watch much TV, I rarely listen to the radio, and I avoid celebrity gossip like rape, yet I know the names of the last two guys she humped with that canyonesque {censored} of hers.


Then as if Cameron Diaz wasn't annoying enough, she brought her "friends" along. In particular, notable environmental activists such as Eva Mendez, rapper "Redman," Drew Barrymore, Jessica Alba, and Blink 182 bass player Mark Hoppus, seen here with a {censored}-eating grin:


At one point in the show they go to a village made of {censored} (literally, cow {censored}) and Diaz calls it "beautiful" and "inspiring." Yeah, just not beautiful and inspiring enough to give up any of the three mansions you own, right you disingenuous {censored}?


Every time she opens her gaping mouth, she spews more self-righteous {censored} all over the place. One of my favorite lines is when she says "it's kind of gotten out of hand how much of a convenience we think we need." Diaz, who makes around $20 million per picture and drives a Lexus, was able to say this with a straight face. What the hell is that supposed to mean, "convenience we think we need"? We don't need it {censored}, we want it. I like being able to get hot water, hot food, and hot porn whenever I want. Just as soon as you give up your mansion and live in a {censored} hut with your multi-millionaire boyfriend, we might give a {censored} about your criticism of the modern conveniences.

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