I know these upper end F keys have been used in the past by apple to control screen brightness for apple-branded displays, but I wanted to know how to use them for other things... such as expose.

I've found 1 tutorial online, specifically here:

http://www.macosxhints.com/article.php?sto...7&lsrc=osxh

but it is so long winded and suggests using software that costs $ (sucks).

Is there no easy way to take advantage of the extra 4 f***ing keys apple ships with it's external keyboards?

Go to System Preferences -> Keyboard & Mouse -> Keyboard Shortcuts

Scroll down to find the Expose settings. Double click on one of them and then press the F-Key you wish to assign.